When Self-Help Advice Hurts More Than It Helps (And What To Do Instead)
There’s no shortage of advice out there.
Clichés. Instagram quotes. Well-meaning tips.
But without context — without understanding how they apply to you — much of it can feel empty, or worse, harmful.
Advice without depth can feel like pressure. And when it doesn’t land? It can leave people feeling frustrated, ashamed, or even defeated.
As a Health and Well-being Coach, I probably see these messages more often than most. I also see the emotional fallout when people try to follow them without the self-awareness, tools, or support they need to make them truly helpful.
When Advice Feels Like Another Burden
Recently, a young adult in my life shared, “Did you know 15 minutes of dancing is more powerful than an antidepressant?”
Is movement powerful? Absolutely. Is it universally enough to treat mental health challenges? Absolutely not.
Mental health is layered, personal, and deeply complex.
Then last night, I came across another viral gem:
"How to forgive the unforgivable."
The answer? “Start by taking responsibility for your part.”
Oof.
Would I ever say that to a client? Not without a whole lot of nuance and conversation.
Healing Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
Without a strong foundation of self-awareness and support, advice like this can send someone spiraling — either into shame or into defensiveness. Neither of which lead to healing.
Is taking ownership powerful? Yes.
Is it simple? No.
Is it often painful? Absolutely.
The healthiest among us — and let’s be real, that’s not always who’s reading these posts — might have the capacity to see their role in a situation and hold compassion for themselves and others at the same time.
But most of us? We’re doing the best we can to protect ourselves from pain.
What Real Support Actually Looks Like
Here’s what I really want to offer you:
→ Find people who can simply hold space for you — exactly as you are.
→ Remember: what you focus on will grow. So ask yourself — how do you want to show up in the world?
→ Get curious: what do you need right now?
→ Keep learning, keep discovering. You’re allowed to evolve.
→ Accepting your whole self — even the messy parts — is wildly empowering.
→ And please know: sometimes we all need a little help — from friends, from professionals, from medication. That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.
If This Feels Hard… I See You.
I will hold space for you.
I will listen deeply.
I will reflect your words back so you can hear your own wisdom.
There is so much power in being truly heard.
I love you — all of you.
Please, love you too.
