Happy, Merry, Either, Neither
Holiday Chatter
There is so much out there this time of year on busyness, difficult relationships, grief, joy, mindfulness etc. I have started this email several times and searched for inspiration, but nothing felt right. The problem is we are all facing different feelings, celebrations and beliefs about this time of year. Whatever you “celebrating”, it all brings ups and downs and as much as I’d like to offer you something to take with you through the holiday I’m busy navigating it myself.
What I can share is what I am thinking about and maybe it resonate with you - or maybe it won’t. I am entering the holiday season with a pretty mediocre attitude. I hate this for myself and my loved ones. My energy has been low in general. Maybe I'm still escaping that cocoon! ;-) I desperately want to enjoy this stretch of holidays in a peaceful and relaxed way so I am trying to simplify. Simplify food, activities, decorations etc. To be very honest, as I am writing this email I had to stop to google homemade oreo cookies! Simplifying isn’t easy for me—it takes a lot of effort to quiet my mind.
The second thing on my mind is awareness of how my expectations can be problematic. I can’t change too much in the moment, but I can take a good look at what expectations I’m bringing into all the upcoming festivities and think about how I want to handle them. A couple things come to mind here…don’t expect a different attitude or gratefulness from people just because it’s a holiday. People are who they are and expecting them to be better or different somehow is bad on me, not them. The second thing is that some people are just not in a good place. I need to remind myself that I am not a bad person or a worthless person because someone speaks to me or treats me in that way which then causes me to shrink away and later be resentful. When I am able to be strong in myself I can more easily brush it off (as not being my problem at all) which brings me to the final thing on my mind this holiday season…
I need to practice some really good self-care so that I have the strength to handle the above. Self-care for me involves eating right, sleeping right, exercise, not over-committing or over-promising, taking some quiet time to hear my own voice so that I make sure I don’t neglect the things that are important to me. It also involves some nurturing which I am still learning, but looks something like this - stopping to ask myself…”how are you doing right now?”, “What might you need?” It may involve walking away from something draining that is not mine to absorb and curling up with a book instead (ie. teenage angst) or simply ordering a pizza for the family because I’m getting close to the edge and I want to make sure I don’t lose it.
I hope there is something in this that sheds a little light on your upcoming gatherings and you can relax into what is good and release that which you have no control over.
Want more?
Psychology Today article titled
10 Mindful Mantras to Boost Your Holiday Mood in 30 Seconds
by Donald Altman
10 Affirmations to Boost Your Mood at the Holidays or Anytime
I am calm and tolerant.
I am peaceful and patient.
I am flexible and spontaneous.
I am inspiring, energizing, and activating.
I am empowered and confident.
I am compassionate and sympathetic.
I am intelligent, generous, and caring.
I am happy and optimistic.
I am grateful and thankful.
I am loving and accepting.
Use your affirmation with your breath. For example, inhale as you breathe in the feeling of calm, peace, love, or whatever your affirmation expresses. You might feel your heart center growing warm and open. Here are a few other tips for using your mantra affirmation:
Set the intention to repeat your affirmation throughout the day, for up to a minute or longer.
Write your affirmations on sticky notes and post them on your mirror, the wall, the refrigerator, etc.
Note how using your affirmation makes you feel. You can journal and experiment with different affirmations.
If you have a spiritual path, try using a mantra from that tradition.
Bring to mind someone who exemplifies your affirmation, such as a spiritual teacher or mentor. Imagine them as you say your affirmation.
For more about how and why to use mantras, visit:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/practical-mindfulness/202212/10-mindful-mantras-to-boost-your-holiday-mood-in-30-seconds
Be gentle with yourselves. Be gentle with your loved ones.
Know you are loved, always.